Time to rewind a bit

Today is June 29, 2014 … nearly a year since I started my detox. My detox was not a fun experience, but it was the most enlightening experience of my life since 2007. For the first time since I started my cycle when I was 12ish, I’ve bled every month for a year. This is amazing! I did the black cohosh and blue cohosh cleanse of my uterus. And, well … It worked! The few months last year, going through the cleanse, was painful and lonely. Only two people were really there for me, and I’ve expressed my gratitude for their significance, but I doubt either of them know how important they are to me. I said goodbye to many things, and people. I closed many doors, and opened new ones. I prayed, did some major rituals, and learned a lot about the kind of womyn I want to be … Anyways … It’s been nearly a year and I have had a moon cycle every month since!

My only wish, Is that my body can be the shell to house a beautiful baby …

That was my intention when I started my detox …

Now my dream is a bit bigger than that …
Now my dream has expanded …
Now, due to the recent events …

Not only do I hope my body will be strong and healthy enough to grow a child and perform the beautiful process of birthing a child … I now wish for a king who has the ability to comfort the body, heart, and mind of the queen who is nurturing his child …

If I still believe in the magic of Jo’s life … I’m close … Real close … Because, for a minute there I thought I did find my king … But it was only my imagination …

I just want to heal …

It’s about understanding the skills one acquires throughout this lifetime that allows us to perform on the high level of sentience that gives us the ability to live life on higher planes or different realms. These higher planes or different realms I speak of are simply different ways of thinking and nothing more. The perspective of another is exactly what gives us the information we seek to understand more about ourselves and others. When we learn a new perspective by taking the time to have a conversation, we are not only learning, but we are teaching too.

This is not a new idea for me, that’s for sure. I’ve always been inquisitive with the people in my life. I’ve always wanted to know how people think and what people think about. So, I tend to ask people, in strange ways, about their thought process. It’s also gotten me into a lot of trouble too because

people usually mistake my innocent curiosity for forcefulness and overstepping my boundaries.

I also tend to share my story easily with people and that makes them uncomfortable, so they get defensive most of the time.

This is something that’s been very prominent in my life this year. I’m questioning everything right now, and unfortunately, I’m unable to heal from this particular experience (which is admitting my broken promises to myself) until I get more information from the parties involved. It hurts that I haven’t been able to hear the perspectives of others. It hurts because I’m still confused and questioning my entire spiritual life’s work. I’m not necessarily saying that I need the information to heal, nor am I saying the people involved owe me anything, but my healing would be more truthful if I did have the information.

So, when this happens, I usually tend to continue asking questions and speaking my mind. For me to just sit back and shut up or “let it go” is pure torture. Not saying I’m impatient, cause that’s sure not true; I have a shit ton of patience. It’s torture because the way my life works best for me is only when I have honest people in my life.

When people show me honesty, I trust them.

So when they then show me something different, I get confused and anxious because I feel I’ve been lied to for the time we spent in a so-called honest relationship. This ongoing thought of betrayal and lies gets to me after awhile and I just can’t take it. It seriously hurts my entire being. This gets me into even more trouble though.

But really, I see it as taking chances. Every time I pursue a situation that I know is unbalanced, I’m terrified. I’m even more terrified when the unbalance was caused because of my decisions based off of my faith structure. But I find myself still making decisions based on the same faith and guidance I’ve been questioning. I think I’m doing it by routine, but I’m more mindful with why I’m making the connections I’m making. I’m also recording the universal messages and actions to revisit later.

It saddens me that people are so terrified to share their truths. I get it that people have been hurt and they usually have a hard time trusting people. I just wonder what I need to do for people to trust me. I mean, if it’s the perspective of the other that I seek, they must trust me first, right?

Don’t get me wrong, many people trust me and I have a lot of beautiful people in my life, but it doesn’t make much difference when a huge positive influence becomes a negative void nearly over night.

And if I come off too forceful, people don’t tend to trust my intentions; I just want to heal. Usually, people leave me when it gets to that point, and it saddens me when that happens, too.

I don’t see my actions as forceful, but I guess they are
I don’t see my faith and guidance as wrong, but I do question it
I don’t see my desires as something I need to apologize for, but I will share my thoughts as to why it’s justifiable in my life to have such desires
I don’t see my love, passion, and generosity as something that needs explaining, but I’m more then willing to share my perspective with you if you’re willing to share too.

Don’t be scared
I promise, I’m trustworthy
The real, honest, and loving #CupOfJoBruno is brewing … The bold flavor will only be tasteful for people who are real, honest, and loving too … We will build a tribe together if we keep it this way …

Many bright beautiful blessings, my gorgeous readers!

Graduation Day

Walk the stage
Fist in the air

I DID THAT SHIT

oh, wait

What did I do exactly?

Debt
I got debt
Makin’ no money

What did I do exactly?

I learned how to research
To observe
To compromise
To take a refusal
I learned rhetoric

I learned …

It’s okay to get a “D”
That “D” will suffice
For a GPA over 3.3

Yeah! Now, ain’t that nice

What did I do exactly?

Student leadership
Founder, worker, doer
Creative, passionate, loving

#Recognition
#Validation
#wougrad

What did I do exactly?

Nothing, really …
I lived
Day to day
Paycheck to paycheck

Anthropology, Non-Traditional, Public Relations
Mentor, Advisor, Provider

Relationships bloom
Connections made

That’s what I did …

I lived
I loved
I learned

All about me …

I loved for me

I learned for me

The depth of my knowledge will never compare
To the bullshit education system
Them structured walls
Them non-revolutionary professors

That shit don’t matter

What matters is that I’m done
The journey is just ‘bout over

And I’m free
Free to express my voice

I’m here
And that’s all that matters